Moongazy

Yesterday was the most horrible day I have had for a long time!  ‘Hell is other people’ said Satre, sometimes those other people create the hell around you while not really trying.

It started off as a fairly normal day.  I woke up feeling fuzzy, but got on with the usual bits and pieces and arranged various times to see the people I had to meet during the day.  Caught up with emails and phone calls and went out feeling upbeat.

The first meeting was mildly irritating!  Taking oldies shopping and being patient.  Not my best trait, but I tried and it went fairly well, but the car was stuffy and all the chatter left me with a headache.

I knew I had an afternoon of waiting around.  Two pills and a good mocha, courtesy of the Guardian, improved my mood a little, though my mind was busy trying to work out my next move in life.  We discussed my options and I felt depressed at my lack of progress at the moment.  This is a usual stage after finishing a project, but things didn’t seem to be getting anywhere.

Then I had a phone call from my daughter.  She was in tears after fainting and hitting her nose on the floor.  She is in London, not close for mum to rush to her aid, so I tried to calm her and give advice over the phone.  This left me feeling very shaken.  I phoned her a while later and she had stopped her nose bleeding and was a bit calmer.  I was still shaking!

We went home later than expected and picked up our son on the way (he had been drinking).  While cooking  the meal, he was being annoying and I turned and made a comment about something that had happened to him a week ago because of his drinking.  He exploded in a rage.  Thankfully, he still has self-control, but it was like standing next to a bomb going off and, while there isn’t physical violence, the emotional impact can be felt in a physical way.

He left soon after, but I felt terrible for the rest of the evening.  When I finally got to bed, sleep was a long time coming as my brain was still trying to work my life out.

Thankfully, this morning I woke up feeling ok, despite lack of sleep.  My daughter is feeling much better, though looks as if she has been in a fight.  I read some of an old journal that I keep at odd times in my life and was heartened to see that I have made a lot of progress over the years. 

But the main problem has been there a long time, as the journal reveals.  It is not for me to solve, only how to handle my reaction to it.  Perhaps that is my life’s main lesson; but it is a very hard one.  Watching someone destroy themselves and others is painful.  You want to make it better, but you are powerless to do so.  Sometimes you wonder if you are to blame - that one took a long time to resolve.  In the end you can only watch and possibly pray, that things will get better, knowing that they probably won’t, despite all the help over the years.

The fallout from yesterday will probably keep going for a while, but I have a week away to look forward to and that will keep my mind off things.  So I will close and start packing!

I spent a while this morning writing a new post and then managed to delete it by accident.  Not the best thing I have done for a while.

It was a little saga on the benefit of hugs in our lives.  Have one, preferably more, every day.  Good for the soul, good for your health, good for your life!  Especially hug those you love and those who have lost loved ones, they need it the most.

I am sitting in the elevated position that is The Guardian’s; presiding over his dream as he is busy elsewhere.  It is a very priviledged position to be in and in some ways, terrifying.  Betsy and I have made friends and I have finally mastered the art of frothy milk - at least until I try it again anyway.

It is quiet, with an atmosphere of peace.  The Dervish is reading in the corner, drinking the perfect cappuchino, made by my good self.  There is another lady here to keep me company and help with any problems.  Together we hope to keep the place as the Guardian expects it to be run.

I also said more about me this morning.  I am practising turning into a batty old woman who talks to herself and to her cats and occasionally to the Dervish.  We have been married a very long time (due to lots of hugs) and sometimes we have very long, interesting discussions.  Mostly though, talk is on the little things in life, the family, the shopping, the boring things that have to be done.  But, then, that’s being married.  Rubbing along together, being content and compromising over the difficult decisions.  It is also rejoicing in the good things;  Celebrating, comiserating and supporting when needed.  Putting up with the in-laws and despairing over the children.  Passion, love, tears and joy and of course, lots of hugs!

I didn’t realise that it had been so long since my last post.  Have I been to busy or have I had nothing interesting to say!  Probably a little of both.  My life has been full of Reiki treatments and healing sessions, writing case studies and trying to keep on top of the normal things in life like housework and cats.  I try in all this to keep my spiritual life as an active part of everything I do and while I have been giving treatments, this has been easy. 

I find that connecting with another human being during a healing session is a deeply spiritual experience.  It is difficult to explain unless you have tried it.  You are not doing the healing, you open yourself as a channel and connect to the ‘healing energies’ available to all.  Some call it ‘God’, some ‘ Great Spirit’, some find it easy to join with guides or angels, some use all those methods.  Most healers work with the intention of bringing love and healing into the life of the individual they are working on, however it is needed.

Everyone has the capacity to be a healer and we all do it automatically all our lives.  The hand placed on a shoulder of someone in distress, the mum who ‘kisses it better’, the person who gives time to really listen to a problem without judgement or advice.  Every time we connect with another person with compassion and empathy, we heal.

We often feel embarrassed about making this connection, will we be rejected, or misunderstood, but often the effort is appreciated on levels we never realise.  At a deep level, we are all connected.  In the Native American tradition, by the web of life, in a scientific way by electrical energy that is present in all of creation.  Our emotions can effect our own cells and produce a reaction in ways that have been medically proved.  For instance, the person who lives on stress  and high emotion is often a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen.  If the way we think and feel can produce something so large that can be seen, how much does it influence us on small, internal levels where we cannot see the result.  We talk in terms of emotions: a broken heart, gut feelings.  Expressions for physical manifestations, influenced by our thoughts.

This is a massive subject.  We are what we think and feel as well as what we put into our bodies.  It may not be something that the drug companies would like us to know, as there is no profit if we start looking after our own health, but it should be the subject of more mainstream research.

I started by talking about healing.  It is not about miracle cures, though they can happen.  It is more about enabling the person’s own body to start its own healing process in whatever way it feels necessary.  I am looking forward to continuing with healing work, wherever It is needed and, hopefully, not having to write to many case studies any more!